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Oct. 28th, 2012

untitled beginnings

Peeling away the authenticity
As my face is piled on
Every morning, the same routine
Time repeats itself

Aug. 9th, 2012

subject is the subject

The hearts I draw are crooked...
But my intentions are always true.

Jul. 13th, 2012

(no subject)

1. Three things I want to say to three different people. Drew Baugh- You are the most beautiful soul and you make my life radiate happiness. Dad- Why don't you love me? Nick- Please get help.

2. One of my insecurities.
Trusting other people. That is my downfall in life

3. What turns me on.
When my beautiful boyfriend gazes deeply into my eyes.

4. One of my bad habits.
The whole, "I will check face book one last time before shut eye" It leads to me checking at least 15 other sites too.

5. Who I wish I could be.
Me only spiced up a bit. Or Scar Jo

6. Where I want to be right now.
In Drew's arms, in my bed.

7. The last thing I ate.
Special K cereal and strawberries for a snack

8. Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately.
My boyfriend, duh have you seen the guy?

9. What song I’m currently listening to.
Amazing Eyes, Porcelain, Burning love

10. The last time I cried and why.
Today, because i was forced into fake punching my boyfriend's face

11. Something I’m excited about.
Vacation with Drew in a week!

12. 5 things I like about myself and 5 things I dislike about myself.
I like- My heart, my strength, my drive, my smile, my freckles:) I dislike- My insecurities, my nose, my wandering mind,my driving abilities, my spacieness

13. Three things I want right now.
Balenciaga motorcycle bag( 2005 turqouise), Drew, my own place. in that order

14. Are you wearing a necklace, who got it for you, where’s it from?
Not right now as it is almost time for shut eye, i fear. however I am quite fond of this pretty bronze octopus necklace I bought from a vendor at school in 2010.

15. How long was your last phone conversation?
Not long. talking on the phone is for squares.

16. What are you looking forward to?
Vacation.... bitch

17. Did you get anything off your chest today?
I did actually, it felt nice.

18. How many rings do you usually wear?
One at a time please!

19. Would you rather go to Canada or California on vacation?
Cali baby! i want the sunshine, and beach

20. Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants or pajama pants?
PJ's but I usually sport dresses

21. Do you call it fall or autumn?
Falling for autumn

22. Are you an emotional person?
A little too emotional

23. It’s 2 in the morning and you get a text message, who is it most likely from?
Cousin Ish, saying he misses Wayne

24. Do you like long car rides?
Oh gosh no, they make me terribly sleepy

25. Do you have an adult you can talk to about anything?
Does my sissy count?

26. Last time you saw your dad?
Christmas. i miss him

27. Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle?
Al the time fool!

28. Do you do your own laundry?
Yup, I am on my own man

29. Would you like the ability to read minds?
That would be a legit skill

30. Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?
Duh, thats what happens when you date the same person for almost two years

31. You’re thinking about a certain person right now, aren’t you?
Bingo wise guy, once again drew. He is too great not to think about:)

32. What will you be doing in five years?
Fashion stylist, married, 2 dogs, Pent house overlooking the gulf

34. Last 2 people to text you?
Drew, Mom

35. Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?
I want to be a lotta stuff

36. Do you like to cuddle?
I am an expert cuddler... Basically the best ever

37. When angry, do you get loud or quiet?
Quiet usually. Then I want to punch some bitches

38. Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed on the lips?
Just my walls this time, but i never mind an audience

39. Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex?
Yes, my boyfriend is my best friend:)

40. How’s your hair right now?
Wet N Wavy!

Apr. 2nd, 2010

Have you....

Maybe I am crazy, or maybe life is crazy. have you ever lied, and enjoyed it? Have you ever burnt through a whole note book in one night because your thoughts kept jumping on to the paper. Have you ever felt so lifeless, that you hurt yourself just to make sure you can still bleed. Well then, I'm not the only crazy one around here.

Feb. 11th, 2010

I can't breathe, until you're resting here with me.....

I am so tired of life in general. I miss Mark. But I can't tell him that. But I HAVE to, or I will literally go koo koo bananas. It's eating me alive, but what am I going to do call him? Act like we're best buddies....I don't think so.

I don't know why he's acting like such a stranger towards me. I thought to myself, after we had the talk..."I will accept not being his love interest, but I can't imagine not having him in my life at all." And now he's not. And I miss him. Every single day, I miss him. And he has no clue.


Now to get rid of Kevin. Fun to take my mind off things, but I can't lead someone on. I'm not that kind of gal. Besides, some other fellows like me....But none of them are Mark:(

Dec. 23rd, 2009

Goodbye 2009

2009 is already coming to an end? Oh my, that's insane to think about. I still remember exactly what I was doing a year ago from this day. I'm overall happy with the outcome of '09...a few iffy moments, but still a very good year in my opinion. Many mistakes were made but I feel like I learned a lot from them. A few of them being:

I discovered I can cook. I'm not even kidding. I can actually use a stove with out burning the house down. Who woulda thought?

I've realized that being skinny with a big ass and double D's is a lot more fun than being so skinny that size zeros hang off of you.

I learned to breathe. Okay, I already knew how to do that but I have found that the best thing to do when you feel so overwhelmed and you feel like you're head is going to explode...breathe, just breathe.

I've also found that I have a knack for music. Once again, I already knew that but I'm getting over the "shyness of singing in front of other people" thing. I'm getting better on the guitar and I really want to start playing piano too.

I've finally stopped being quite as hard on myself as I used to be. I'm not perfect. Not even close. I'm spazzy and I trip over everything. I'm fine with it now.

I have learned to never use fake tanner...You know, that lotion shit. Just, don't use it. It stains everything and makes you look diseased.

I finally have accepted the fact that stress will always be a part of my life. It never ever goes away and it will probably just get worse with time but you have to deal with it. After all, life aint a cake walk...

I discovered the best way to relieve that stress is through writing. I've burned through some serious note book paper lately. I try to write down every last stupid little thought that goes through my head.

I've learned to live in the same house as someone who is literally insane. He'll probably be the death of me unless I move out ASAP. I wish I was kidding...

I've experienced feelings so strong that I can't even describe them. I mean that in a good way. It's kind of nice to know that you are capable of being so consumed with those good emotions...Even if they don't last forever.

Well, that about sums up my year. Not really, but I'm sick of writing and I want a cookie god damn it! I'm looking forward to 2010. I start school in a few weeks, which I'm also excited about. Here's to new adventures to come in the new year...

Dec. 10th, 2009

You win , I lose.

I'm stuck. I don't know what to do about this situation. And, I believe this will be my 100th entry so I have added pressure to make this an interesting post.

I wan't to call you. I doubt you'd answer. And even if you did, what would I say? But I want to hear your voice.

I could write you on facebook or something. That would be the easiest option. But, if you don't respond I'm left more confused than before. How is that fair?

I could wait it out until I see you again. But, I would have to get some guts and speak up while my chance is sitting in front of me. Like the chance I had Saturday, that I let slip away.

I'm scared. I don't want to make things harder on you. I just want to know, if you lied to me. And if you really don't want to see me again, why? What did I do? I'm sorry, I really am. And if it makes you feel better, I know I feel worse than you do about this situation. But I need to know. When did you go from seeing a future of us dating to phasing me out? Do I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

Just so you know, I would never want to see you unhappy. I still care about you, for what it's worth, and I'm thankful for the time I got to spend with you.

I just realized that I'm pretty much writing a letter in my blog post. Oh well.

Memories last a lifetime. And I will always remember the happier ones we shared and not the teary ones.

It's funny. After being "in love"(I know now that was not love) with Adam, I would wait to let some one else in my life. Then Mark came along. I was very sceptacle, and even avoided getting too close but that didn't last long. I couldn't believe that someone could actually return the love I gave. Now, That was love.

Nov. 30th, 2009

I do believe.....

.....Frustration overwhelms me right now. I'm calling out, but you can't hear me.

I want to bake Christmas cookies!

Oct. 29th, 2009

Incapable

                 I am incapable of being perfect in any way shape or form. It just won't ever be an option. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing though. I like the little imperfections and dents and bumps we have. It makes us human. And honestly, what is so great about being perfect? If you're perfect, then you will never truely live

Oct. 27th, 2009

Red leaves

And orange leaves. I love this time of year. Carmel apples, scary movies, and the scenery....It's out of this world. Such a lovely time for us photographer wanna be's to explore the great outdoors. And hiking, I can't forget about hiking. Ah, the fall......Wish it would never end

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